She made you watch it with her once and you were basically playing air hockey on your phone the whole time, which she doesn’t know, and after the movie you were like, Which one of those dudes do you girls think is so hot? Not that really pale guy with the hair? And she was like Yes, Oh my god, you don’t get it and of course you didn’t because you are a) not a chick and b) not gay and c) it is completely astonishing to you why anyone would watch that movie, let alone more than once.
After you and Kels broke up for college you hooked up with a couple sorority girls who, when you fucked them, shrieked like they were being murdered, but in a good way. Then you kind of appreciated Kels’s silent concentration style. Your eardrums hurt after you did it with those girls, and anyway, it seemed like they were faking it.
It’s cool that you and Kels can still hang out though. When you were home for break she invited you over to make gingerbread houses with her and her mom, and even though it seemed like a dumb seasonal arts and crafts thing that only chicks are into, you went over there and have to admit you didn’t have a bad time. Also: your gingerbread house was epic. Kels’s mom came over to look at it and put her hand on your shoulder and said, Tyler, that looks almost too good to eat! For a second you had this urge to turn to her and say, No Ms. Spenser, you look too good to eat. You have no idea where that came from but it happens to you sometimes: you get this intense itch to say or do the most inappropriate thing, not that you ever actually would.
But then you were going to go meet up with the guys and Kels got all upset. She used to do that when you were together and it drove you crazy then but it’s even crazier now because you’re not together and you just made this awesome gingerbread house in her kitchen with her mom and what more does she want from you?
Because that’s the thing with girls, right? The girl wants to have herself a ladies’ night and you’re like, Go right ahead, please, don’t let me stop you. But then you want to hang out with your boys and she starts giving you attitude like Why don’t you want to stay here with me? And you’re like, I spent all day with you! We’ve been hanging out for seven hours!