Mostly, though, just remember that you should tell everyone everything. Fuck often and fuck many girls and you’ll never have to lie about it. Do not ever lie about it. That is for fags who cannot get pussy. In the years ahead, people will learn that Alan is gay, but for now, he says, Do not be a fucking fag, King. I fuck a bitch almost every night, and the next day, I tell my boys about it.

He says, tell everyone you trust, and tell them that you’re telling them these things because they’re your boys. You should expect them to tell others. It’s part of fraternity life, dude—you're going to pledge, aren’t you? Of course you are. Fraternity life, love it or leave it, I say. Eventually, it will get back to the girl or her friends. That’s good—if she expected different, she wouldn’t have fucked you. And the next time you see her, she will ask you if you told anyone that you’d been together. That’s how she’ll put it. She’ll say, Did you tell anyone that we were together? Tell her that you didn’t say shit. She won’t believe you. If you want to fuck her again, tell her that, yes, you told people you’d hung out—say it that way, say: I told people that we hung out. That’s all I said.

And if you don’t want to fuck her again, don’t feel obligated to say anything else. Walk away, but remember to tell everyone everything: are her tits big or small? Do they bounce? Are her nipples small and pink or wide and so close to the color of her skin that they’re hard to see? Are they still sort of smooth when they get hard, or do they wrinkle up and stand straight up when you suck them? Are her pits and legs completely, freshly shaved? Is her pussy? Is there anything left? Stubble? A Mohawk? A triangle? A Star of David—dude, it’s Cornell. Are there ingrown hairs? Does she smell good? Is it perfume? Coconut-scented lotion? Did you lick it first (you should lick it first)? Is she tight? 

If so, say that. Say, That girl had the tightest pussy. Does she let you finger her ass while you fuck her? If so, say that, too. And if so, was she humoring you or did she like it? You’ll know. They think they’re supposed to, so do it. If you can tell she doesn’t like it, do it until she tells you to stop. If she tells you to stop, ask her, Don’t you like this? You don’t really need to know. Ask anyway. And then tell your boys about it. It’s not like you’re going to marry this girl.