Alan Yu is a senior studying communications and a brother of Theta Chi who insists on calling everybody by their last name. He takes Kevin under his wing after Kevin shows up for the newspaper’s annual recruitment meeting, and Kevin shadows Yu for the semester on the Greek beat, attending Interfraternity Council meetings. On more than one occasion, Kevin accompanies Yu to fraternity fundraisers and after parties. More than any professor that term, Yu is the one responsible for giving Kevin his first taste of college life. This is what Kevin learns during his first semester of college:

Listen up, King, Yu says, in the dining hall you use three or four glasses and you get juice and diet coke and water and chocolate milk if you want some. You’re not doing the dishes, so fuck it. The dishes go on the belt, and when the thing disappears behind the wall, some dickhead townie in an apron and gloves cleans that shit up. That’s what he’s paid to do and his pay comes from your tuition so if he doesn’t like that you’re using four or five glasses per meal, well then, he can just go fuck himself, can’t he? If he sees you loading up on dishes when he’s restocking them, he’ll give you a dirty look but he won’t have the balls to say anything. Laugh at him. Tell him to eat shit if you want to. Your tuition’s paying his hourly. He’s not going to complain. How does he know your mom isn’t on the board of trustees? How does he know your dad isn’t a state senator or a judge or a major donor? No dad? Well, he doesn’t know that. He’ll keep his fucking mouth shut and wash your dishes.

You will go to the bars and you will get in by using someone else’s ID or you will find someone to make you a fake ID. And if you can’t find someone to make you a fake ID, you’re not looking hard enough or you’re not asking the right people. Go down to the city—take the bus if you have to—and get one made there. They’re cheap enough.