J. Lin. Trendsetter. Princess. Apple of our eyes. She's really "been through the shit" as it were, this past week. Hell, this past month. I’m sure you've all heard: Her boyfriend, Nick, broke up with her, and now she's being forced to live with an astronaut.
The long and short of it is this: They were perfect for each other, like jeans and jean jackets. Seven weeks, dear reader, seven of the happiest, most passionate weeks that I have ever seen. It was like a song, really, but as we all know, even the most graceful of waltzes includes a final plié. (note: Someone just pointed out that a waltz is not a song, but rather, a dance. Let's not get too bogged down in details, shall we?) Okay, right, Jenny Lin.
She said that something felt broken, after those seven weeks. After the magic was gone. Something deep. Like a knee, but deeper. Way deep. Bingo: Her HEART.
Back on track: Her boyfriend, Jenny's, was willing to do anything. He just wanted them to be happy, to live in a garden apartment in Midtown, to love. He promised that even though he didn't have the resources, he'd get her a ring. A big one. With diamonds or some such crystal. They'd be a family.
But then, as I said, Jenny began to feel it; the hurt. It was like a black cloud, always circling around Nick, tainting their relationship. He couldn't focus; he was losing touch. One weekend, he took a business trip up to Boston. He figured the air would clear his head. Whilst sitting in a beer garden, sipping a cold brew, "a man in green" walked up to his table and kicked the shit out of him. So Nick, you could say, knows hurt too.
Finally this past week the camel’s back broke. And so did Nick. With Jenny. To go along with their broken hearts, now, a broken union.
With nowhere else to turn, Jenny left the big city, which, for anonymity's sake, I'll call "York." So she left York and turned to the only arms that would still love her. An old flame, an astronaut: Hugh.
She fled to him, and Nick filled the hole in his heart with buckets of icy malt, and showgirls. He was last seen running down the streets of York, screaming, "I FELT ONCE. I. FELT. ONCE."
I don't know what'll happen to Jenny, she's just so sad. Sure, Hugh lives in space, which is a perk. He's got the funds, really he does. But the only rings Jenny'll see in their future are those of the great planet Saturn. The man's got no drive. He's only in it for the you-know-what. Space sex and whatnot.
Thanks for letting me clear that up. Prayers go out to Jenny. Please do your part and slip in a blessing, you know, if you've got the time. Much love.
Also, Fred Willard was arrested for having his stuff out in public. So that's new.