Every two weeks, our lifestyles expert, Cosmos Catalano, will answer your questions. Have a question for Cosmos? Write him at firstname.lastname@example.org.
–Checked In from Phoenix
You’ve chosen a good forum to speak to me. I can’t be reached by phone. My voice mailbox is full, and my carrier doesn’t let me out of the contract for another eight obscene months.
I thought your work in Indiana Jones was weak. You were just a boy, and Harrison Ford is known for upstaging everyone in his films. Don’t know what your agent was thinking. But what’s good is, I feel like you dropped off the map long enough that, if you are thinking of getting back in the game, no one will see it coming. It’s how if Antoine Dodson wrote a book, everyone would be interested in it, especially if he wasn’t a liar.
With the thief situation (wink wink), let’s just say hell is a place thieves burn. If he can’t stand the heat, then he should get out of the library, because he will die there, along with all of his riches and the whores that enjoy them.
I look forward to your response,
I’m so glad I caught your email, because I was running out the door. My cousin is in this fashion contest. I don’t know what it is.
To help your cousin, why don’t you tell her “GET. OVER. YOUR. LIFE. IT’S. ONLY. TEN. SECONDS.”
Because she can’t take it? I wonder if she’s ever seen a fashion show in her life. I can tell the girls in those shows work hard, because they only have about ten seconds on-stage before they leave and never come back. Ten seconds, CC. That’s hardly enough time to read a sentence. I wonder if your cousin wants anything that badly.
In addition, is she a runner? If so, then she needs to focus on bigger issues like how to get into the Olympics. She’s not getting anywhere in bed.
–Not So Pearly Whites in Ontario
Let me guess. You want me to help you lie. I lied once in my life, and my father killed my dog for it. Two bullets, straight into Sid’s skull.